It’s Me or Your Drug Addiction…A Useless Ultimatum

It’s Me or Your Drug Addiction…A Useless Ultimatum

By In Addiction Recovery, Relationships and Addiction, Social Issues
Posted December 14, 2015

Falling in love isn’t easy. It takes a lot to find someone you can see yourself with long-term, and it takes even more to actually make it work with that person. Together you learn how to love, live, argue, and grow in a way that’s effective for you. It’s the most difficult and the most rewarding investment we can make.

But what if we add addiction to the picture?

Addiction and Love

According to a study conducted by Penn State University, drug use and alcohol addiction are responsible for over 10% of all divorce.

When addiction works its way into a relationship, things can become confusing:

“Doesn’t my partner love me more than they love being high? Doesn’t all the time we’ve spent together mean more to them than drug addiction? Isn’t our relationship enough for them?”

We reason and plead with them to choose us over the drugs, but we lose. Every time…

Do they love you more than they love using? Of course. Will they choose you over using? Probably not.

Uncontrollable Obsession

The problem with expecting the addict to choose you over the addiction is that no matter how much they want to choose you, the compulsion of addiction occurs on a level beyond their control.

When we look at the situation rationally we see that if they could stop, they wouldn’t be addicted.

Using isn’t always a choice. The use of drugs evokes both a psychological and physical change.

Using drugs for an extended period of time alters the way the brain functions. As levels of neurotransmitters in the brain change, the pleasure center and the way in which the addict learns and makes decisions is also impacted. Furthermore, an attempt to stop using causes the body to enter into a state of shaking, sweating, and panic.

Addicts become so dependent on drugs that everything else falls short in comparison. Drugs are more important that relationships, family, children, work, bills and even the addict their self.

Where You Come In

Being with an addict is one of the most painful things to go through. Watching the person you love fall into decline and feeling hopeless and abandoned yourself.

A couple things you must understand are:

  • No matter what your partner may say, this is not your fault.
  • There is nothing you could have, or can do differently in order to stop them.
  • Although you do not have the power to cure your partner’s addiction, you can influence them.
  • Stop cleaning up after their messes.
  • Put the idea of detox and treatment on the table.

Most importantly, take care of yourself. Being in a relationship with an addict takes a huge toll on a person. Join a support group, see a counselor, take the necessary steps to protect your emotional and mental health.


Is someone you love battling drug addiction? Are you searching for a way to help? The Shores Treatment and Recovery has made it possible for hundreds of men and women to live a sober lifestyle. We work with each client individually to create an effective route to sobriety. Are you interested in learning more about how we can help your loved one? Please feel free to give us a call. We look forward to hearing from you.

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